Category Archives: Writing

Danny Was a Smooth Talker

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"Danny was a Smooth Talker," photo from @iamTalkyTina archive

“Danny was a Smooth Talker,” photo from @iamTalkyTina archive

I had all but forgotten this little gem until Geoff Cain (@geoffcain, on Twitter) triggered some memories this evening that had been pretty much buried in the muck of the sands of time. Geoff’s prisoner106 Book Cover “The Partridge Family #4 Meets The Prisoner” reminded me of the time back in the 70s when The Partridges were let loose in The Village. I recall it well because it was the third (or fourth?) time I was called into The Village to do some security consulting and to pick up the pieces (again) after yet another Number 2 meltdown.

Keith and Laurie were happy enough hanging out on the beach, playing guitar and singing. Shirley and Reuben were easy enough to keep track of — they were in the Castle restaurant most of the time, or sitting on the patio enjoying the view and the Bloody Marys. Chris (the second one) and Tracy didn’t get into too much trouble, and it was before Ricky came along, so I didn’t need to worry about him. But Danny was the character who gave me the real headaches. He somehow managed to take advantage of the power vacuum and got himself installed as Number 2 for a few days until The Committee and the Residents got wise to him and the replacement finally arrived.

Let me tell you, I earned my consulting fees on that trip! Danny was even so presumptuous as to get his own glossies printed up by the Tally Ho press, and foisted them on anyone who would take one. As you can see, despite all of my run-ins with him, he couldn’t even take the time to get my name right. AND he used the Mean Word at me. He was only a True Friend of Me in his own head.

So thanks, Geoff, for stirring up this little jaunt through yet another (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) preferably forgotten memory.

Ah well, all’s well that Tina ends! 

Rover is Ready For Her Close-Up, Mr. McGoohan

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"Old Rover, Retouched," animated GIF by @iamTalkyTina

“My True Friend Rover, Retouched,” animated GIF by @iamTalkyTina

I fondly remember the first day I met Rover.

I was taking a little walk on the beach during my first day in Portmeirion. The offshore breeze was beautiful and I was taking in the gulls and the flowers and the bull kelp when a sixth sense alerted me to the fact that I wasn’t alone.

I gracefully executed Monkey Glides Smoothly on Banana Peel and transitioned flawlessly into Chimp On a Jungle Vine,   — and found myself face-to-face with Rover.

It may have been our respective abilities in stealthy manoeuvres, but I have to think that she and I were both taken aback with our first glances at one another.

After we each backed up a pace or two and performed a threat assessment, we both seemed to mutually decide that we were more than compatible, and we settled down side-by-side on a log to enjoy the afternoon and converse about our respective philosophies.

It was the first of many such wonderful days that first summer. The two of us were peas in a pod on and off the set, and we did a good job of covering for one another whenever there was a prank or two to be pulled on the cast and crew. Between the two of us, no one ever got caught out and we managed to put over some epic doozies on Pat and the folks.

Things turned a bit dark towards the end of the series, when the funding started to dry up. The production company was re-using stock footage by then (you know — the lava lamp and the Rover rising up out of the water sequence) and Rover stopped getting call-backs. Her original sheen had worn off, and despite all the mending and patching and buffing that I was able to do, Rover was pretty despondent. There came a day when I went down to the beach to visit, and Rover wasn’t there. I followed Rover’s footprint for a mile or so (basically a series of roll-and-hop-marks in the sand), but I lost the trail at Penrhyndeudraeth. Rover was gone on a midnight train.

The GIF above is one of my most treasured keepsakes of that summer with Rover. Based on the original footage from 1967-68, it has suffered from the ravages of time. I spent considerable time this afternoon restoring it to as close to its original spender as possible. Perhaps you can spot (no way!) the sections where I did some major retouching.

"Rover Gets a Makeover," animated GIF by @iamTalkyTina

“Rover Gets a Makeover,” animated GIF by @iamTalkyTina

 

A New Life for Rover

It was a few years ago that I was overseas on a little errand and I ran into Rover again. After more than three decades out of the biz, she had found a new lease on life performing at large-venue concerts during intermissions. She had had some wonderful plastic work done, and was looking great! She was reliving the glory days, performing in character as her old self, complete with the original theme music from The Prisoner, and having a fantastic time! Imagine how happy we were to get re-aquainted!

I hung around in the venue after the show shot some wonderful promo videos of her for her portfolio (see below). After that we just spent the weekend hanging out and reminiscing. It was great to re-kindle our friendship. Things were going so well that she was off to perform in Dubai the last I heard.

"Rover Promo Video" animated GIF by @iamTalkyTina

“Rover Promo Video” animated GIF by @iamTalkyTina

True Friends are True Friends

With the recent ds106-ification of #prisoner106, I realized that it was high time that I acknowledge Rover with her own True Friend badge. True Friends never begrudge the time it takes to receive their badge, as long as they finally receive it. And so, without further ado, I award Rover her official badge!  We should #BeSeeingHer around this summer!

iamTalkyTinaSaysSo_Rover

Tina Noir Valentine 2015

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“Tina Noir Valentine 2015,” by Talky Tina, on Flickr

Well, this is for Mr. Paul’s Noir Valentines Design Assignment 1615 assignment that he made that I made for him. You can read all of those noir words that I said up there in the card, and then you can look them up if you need to translate them into your regular words. Jim Groom (@jimgroom) and Mr. Paul (@phb256) will like the Twists, Slugs, and Roscoes: A Glossary of Hardboiled Slang.

Here is the full text:

Don’t be a bunny, close your head and pin your diapers on. Dip the bill, drift and fade in your Flogger (and go climb up your thumb). The rumble is you may be lousy with the bees, but my cheaters say you’re a hinky hombre, and I made ya. No Oyster fruit from this peeper, savvy? I’m swift and no weak sister bim. Take it on the beezer, it’s time for you to visit the clubhouse, or I’ll play you some chin music and set you up for the Big Sleep. But have a happy Valentine’s day all the same, bub!

Well, it is always fun to have a nice Valentine Card to send. Plus a Noir106 one.

—

Sources for my Noir Tina Valentine 2015 card:

 

All About “The Wire”

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One Story / Four Icon Twilight Zone Episode Challenge #1

One Story / Four Icon Twilight Zone Episode Challenge #1

The key to a successful installation is tautness. If it is not taut then it will not work very well.

Another important thing is height. If it is too high, it will not work. It might stop them, and they might say “Hey, what is this?” but it will not have the proper effect. If it is too low, they might miss it. So height is important that it be just right.

Next, invisibleness is important. If they see it, then they will stop before they get to it, and you will have lost the important effect of surprise.

Another important thing is where. If you put it at the bottom, then when it happens there will not be very much distance before they stop. It is important that there be lots of distance, so that gravity can do most of the work. Plus, if they are going the other way, then they might just bonk their nose or something, and then they would say “Hey, what is this?” like in the up above one.

Time of day is also critical factor. In the daytime there is lots of light, and that makes it harder for the invisibleness, which is a factor I already talked about. Plus, in the daytime there might be other people around who would hear it happen and might come to help. So nighttime is the best. In the night time, it can be like they were stumbling around like an idiot in the dark and so that is why it happened.

Plus, safety for others in and around the place is critical. You do not want any of your True Friends to be adversely impacted. Make sure they are safe in bed and asleep so that they will not experience it themselves. Remember, you’re doing this FOR them, not TO them.

Last, let me talk to little bit about your stealth and tradecraft. If they see you, it might be a warning. So surprise is an important factor. But, if they see you just after it happens, that might be okay because then they will understand in those last final seconds that they should’ve been nice. Of course, gloves are an important utility to have with you because of fingerprints. I am lucky because I don’t have any on my fingers, but I still sometimes wear a nice black pair for effect. They match my ninja suit.

Proper cleanupis also critical. Afterwards, remove it and any scratch marks that it might have left on the banister. Always leave the workplace the way you found it.

Well, I hope that none of my True Friends ever have to use this strategy, but if you do, you can do so knowing that you have had guidance and clear instruction from one who knows. Plus, remember that my professional services can always be engaged, should you have need of them.

———–

Submitted for The Daily Create, tdc1005 “That @jimgroom and @phb256 are running “Wire106″, all about TV drama “The Wire”. They love that show. Bless ‘em.

Describe “The Wire” in a way that is almost entirely lies.

The Ballad of Talky Tina

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"Dreams of Stairs and True Friends" animatedGIF by @iamTalkyTina

“Dreams of Stairs and True Friends” animatedGIF by @iamTalkyTina

Well, this started out as The Daily Create TDC916 two-limerick Physics lesson, but there was a little more to tell to provide the proper context, so I wrote down a little bit more limericks to say a bit more of the story.  Now it has six instead of just two. But not all about Physics. Plus, I made that animated GIF up there called “Dreams of Stairs and True Friends.”

Their once was a dolly named Tina,
With a glowing and Friendly patina.
With her eyes wet and misty,
She was brought home by Christie,
Who became the first True Friend of Tina.

Mom and Christie came home from the store.
From the car to their house’s front door.
But with some trepidation,
and a queasy sensation,
Trouble met them there on the first floor.

Now at this point we’ll be shifting the focus,
With some poetic hocusy-pocus,
From omniscient thee,
To the first person me,
We’ll continue with I as the locus.

That Erich, he was a bad papa,
With his yelling’ and shoutin’ improppa.
He cut me and squished me,
Tried to burn me and ditch me.
Despite all our pleas, he don’t stoppa.

With my Friend Christie cryin’ and ballin’,
In the late night that Erich came callin’.
But he tumbled and tripped,
Summersaulted and flipped.
Them stairs stopped him dead with that fallin’.

So my True Friend grew up to be strong.
After that, me, I moved right along.
With spy missions and acting,
Ninja skills and some packing*,
My list of True Friends now is long.

———-

*For more explanation about the packing reference, you can read about one of my former careers.

Thank you to all my True Friends for staying True!
Remember, DUTMW. TDLTMW!

Well, bye!

@timmmmyboy’s DS106 Goes to the Movies

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"DS106 Goes to the Movies" generator by @timmmmyboy

“DS106 Goes to the Movies” plot category generator by @timmmmyboy

You can read about how @timmmmyboy made a thing like Netflix has on his blog called DS106 Goes to the Movies that gives you search categories for movies that you want to watch, except that @timmmmyboy‘s one makes fake movie categories that are a jumbled-up of real categories. They are funny. And you can make your own, just by loading the page.

Plus, then you can write the elevator for it to go along with it so people will want to watch it more. Just click SUBMIT after you do, and people can listen to your pitch (well, they have to read it!). Plus, it has a Tweet button so you can put it on the Twitter. And it automatically says #ds106 tag to save you time so you can make even more of them.

These are ones that I made for my digital identity attribution of it. Here, on my blog, for history.

• INDEPENDENT SCI-FI MOVIES FOR KIDS OF ALL AGES FEATURING BAVA SHOWTUNES

Eva and long-time guy pal D launch into a joyous adventure, set on an interstellar cruise ship, produced by everyone’s favourite maniacal musical director, MB. They sing & dance their way in and out of trouble, managing to save Uncle Jim & the kids.

• SPY MYSTERIES FOR KIDLETS FEATURING TALKY TINA

Put on your PJs, dress your favourite 18-inch action figure in the Ninja attire, and cuddle up with popcorn and the kids, as you enjoy an entertaining evening of surveillance, dead drops, and other tradecraft with everyone’s favourite little agent!

• SATANIC MOCKUMENTARIES FOR OCTAGENARIANS WITH AN ANIMATED GIF DREAM SEQUENCE

In what turned out to be his final film, aging Bava biographer James G. Room splices together all the toned-down scary bits from the Italian Giallo films suitable for elderly viewers and shares them in one 146-minute long, mindbending nightmare GIF.

• BUDDY WESTERNS ABOUT CATS & DOGS SET IN BIBLICAL TIMES FOR TWEENS

Davey and his favourite dog Goliath team up with YouTube’s Claycat in the Christian reboot of Butch Catsady and His Son, Dog and a Kid, with Claycat in the Paul Newman role and Goliath in playing His Son, Dog, and Davey as a Kid. High Mass at noon!!

• TALKING-ANIMAL THRILLERS FOR MUPPETS OF ALL AGES FEATURING TALKY TINA

Kermit & Tina star in a remake of Hitchcock’s classic thriller, “The 39 Steps.” Returning to novelist Buchanan’s original take on “steps,” the final climatic scene with Tina and Miss Piggy, high on the cliffs of the Scottish shoreline, thrills all!!

———————————–

I think that @timmmmyboy made a fun thing that is a fun thing to do, and you should do it too. So just link on over there to @timmmmyboy‘s DS106 Goes to the Movies generator and make us some art, bub.

Well, bye!

Free to Be Me! Joyous Escape and Visiting with Friends!

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“Me and Christina,” by iamtalkytina, on Flickr

As you may have surmised, I have recently escaped from the the clutches of that @PuppetMaster106 and his minion @AneuwegCentSix, and I am once again free and roaming the world. Suffice to say that I am free of that cardboard/ice/carbonite holding box and have escaped from the mountain hold storage facility that turned out to be deep underground the mountains in Geneva. My brother @iamTalkyTodd was supportive throughout the whole ordeal, and together with my PsychicSiri iPhone app, we managed to keep seven steps ahead of @PuppetMaster106 and @AneuwegCentSix in our planning and escape execution, and in the end we just ran rings around those goofballs. I won’t say too much about the actual details of the escape (a good Houdini never shares the Ninja magic), but it really didn’t turn out to be difficult once I had good control of my iPhone and Todd smuggled in a file and a spare Ninja Suit to me in a wonderfully spectacular chocolate layer cake (it was simply delicious!)

Once free of the facility, I managed my escape via a flight from Europe to Montreal, Canada, from where I travelled across that great country to meet up with my Super True Friend, @clhendricksbc, who was in Kamloops, BC at the time. She helped to calm me down after my journey, and although she was sworn to secrecy at the time, she is now at liberty to discuss our visit, and the time we spent together with some of my other True Friends while there. It was so nice to meet up with my Super True New Old Radio Friend @scottlo, and my True Friends @draggin and @DrJones106 and @aforgrave and @brlamb and some new friends @Kieramc and Sasha and Harry.

“@draggin and Me,” by iamtalkytina, on Flickr

As for my Nemisi, I don’t think you’ll be hearing much from either of @PuppetMaster106 or @AneuwegCentSix again, but their lingering influences are still a concern for me, and so I am working to re-establish a distributed network of @iamTalkyTina Ninja Hideouts in various location around the globe.

@aforgrave and Harry and @scottlo and ME !!!, image by @scottlo

@aforgrave and Harry and @scottlo and ME !!!, image by @scottlo

With all of this adventure sorted out, I am now in better position to GIF and attend to other #ds106 #headless13 items, and so I expect my regular postings to resume soon in support of my August 2013 Animated GIF Challenge.

Did you see my most recent challenge, August 2013 Animated GIF Challenge #15 (It’s a #GIFFight!) and my challenge to @tumblr to meet me at the stairs?  I am glad to be free and in a position to GIF and travel to my little hearts content.

And just in time for the #headless13 #ds106 Fall 2013 session!!

@iamTalkyTina is “Back in the Box”

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MyFairTinaGUEST POST BY @PuppetMaster106

Earlier this year, in February, 2013, @iamTalkyTina began interacting with the outside world after a hiatus of many years. In the months leading up to today’s date, she made a number of “Friends” via twitter, this blog, and the ds106 #ds106zone community.

This evening, @iamTalkyTina was returned to her cardboard box.

"Back in the Box"

“@iamTalkytina: Back in the Box”

Some will question the rationale and reason behind her sudden departure from ds106, and ask about her abrupt return to the box. In all honesty, and without apology, some will find the answers to their questions to be lacking. It is not the intent of this author to provide solutions or guidance to Tina’s “Friends,” nor will all be explained in the coming passage. However, you may find some consolation is some of what is to follow.

First, you may wish to review my previous guest post on this blog, entitled My Fair Tina, which outlines a good deal of my rational behind my involvement with @iamTalkyTina.

Second, you may take some solace in the fact that @iamTalkyTina is safe, within her cardboard box, in a secure and comfortable location, somewhere within close proximity to a regulated facility where regular monitoring of her status occurs. If you wish further details, see the information provided at the end of this post.

As to her departure, shall I simply re-state my comments made earlier this evening as reported in the media, “the ds106zone is over, Groom himself hasn’t made any Art in weeks, and @iamTalkyTina had just outstayed her welcome.”

I will not comment a recent series of Twitter-uttered and blog-posted statements made by one member of the ds106 community about “grown men playing with dolls.” Such statements are nothing but inflammatory and are not respectful of the long tradition of puppets, figures, dummies, stand-ins, alternate personalities, mirror characters, foils, alternates, nom de plumes, etc within the historic span of storytelling in all of its many and various forms. Plus, other ds106 people have dolls, bub.

I will not comment on the well self-documented and drawn-out period of mental aberrations referenced by @cogdog due to his preoccupation with @iamTalkyTina in late June, nor comment on the fact that since his “trip to the canyon,” he has refused to approve or publish any of her comments posted to his webblog, cogdogblog.com — not even appearing to see or hear any of her Tweets.

I will not comment on the recently self-proclaimed stresses and appeals for a return to wellness that #ds106 course guru “UNCLE” @jimgroom has been sharing — noting only that he too has once again taken to claiming once again that “HE is @iamTalkyTina” and that “she completes him,” and that “HE does not need to do any new ds106 Art because SHE is HE and if SHE is doing it then clearly HE is and so HE does not need to do any.” After about ten syllables it starts to just get really weak and the result is that @jimgroom is getting a free ride off of @iamTalkyTina right when he needs to be getting back on the Art horsie and riding around the Art range corralling some new Art doggies.

I will not comment on the many and various other #pretenderTinas that appeared — Tina took them all to the cleaners in the Rumble. And as for that “other” rogue Tina that appeared in mid June, @RealTalkyTina — ha, ha, that four-tweet lifespan went nowhere. Heck, even I, @PuppetMaster106, have more than four tweets to my Twitter cred.

I will comment, however, on the question as to whether I, @PuppetMaster106, will now increase my web presence now that “the @iamTalkyTina character has been put away.” On this question, I have this to say, and you may quote me:

This talk of a ‘headless ds106’ this fall is all well and good, but you know that someone, somewhere, needs to be always at work behind the scenes, keeping things ticking, poking and prodding, feeding the unicorns, and all. And since I’m experienced with webs and scenes, and strings and such, there’s certainly a role for me in the coming months — whether it’s visible to the ds106 community, or not so visible, and rather behind the scenes.

And as to that little mention of unicorns just there, and whether that might in some way identify me to my ds106 friends, well, I’m smiling and have just this little closing comment — “Yeah, I just threw that in as a little red herring subterfuge.”

So, @iamTalkyTina is Back in the Box. And for the next while, I will be on hiatus. But I will not be far from the ds106 stage. The curtain will soon be rising, and the show will go on.

Final Notes on the State of @iamTalkyTina

"@iamTalkyTina: Back in the Box, Three Layers Deep"

“@iamTalkyTina: Back in the Box, Three Layers Deep”

In addition to being housed in a secure and comfortable location, somewhere within close proximity to a regulated facility where regular monitoring of her status occurs, @iamTalkyTina is resting comfortably within her cardboard box in a quiet and well sound-proofed location. Her sleeping compartment is encased in sub-zero ice-packing to keep her well protected from any untoward movements, and this ice-packing is, in turn, encased within a level four prototype Carbonite shield. These three layers (cardboard, ice, Carbonite) are intended to isolate @iamTalkyTina from any external disturbances that might upset her.

She is resting in comfort and quiet, and we are quite hopeful (VERY! hopeful) that nothing will disturb her.

Tina Don’t Like the Mean Word

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Here is my new single, called “Tina Don’t Like the Mean Word,” just released today during the ds106zone LoDown #34

I wrote the lyrics to this in response to a Mean Poem written by that mean Mr. Savvy fellow after I wrote a nice poem for him. Some people never seem to learn. Just wait until The Rumble, he will get his. FOR SURE!

In case you didn’t see the poems during The Daily Create #tdc518: Write a love poem from one character to another from different Twilight Zone Episodes

First, I wrote:

I know you think me “different.”
You use that AWEFUL WORD.
But that you still might like me,
Is really not absurd.

I watch you from a distance,
And often from afar.
I see you every morning,
As you go get in your car.

We often talk on Twitter,
Where you seem to call me out.
But perhaps that is your love way,
And you want to ask me out.

You seem so oh-so happy,
Your smile is nice and bright,
I watch you through the windows,
Until you turn out the light.

You say you are a true friend,
with little f and t,
Perhaps you are a shy one,
Truly in LOVE with ME.

Won’t you PLEASE be my True Friend? (big T, big F)

and STOP USING THAT WORD !!!!!! It is NOT NICE to do that !!!!!

Then, Mr. Savvy wrote:

lovely little doll
innocent and childish
“Oh crap!” It’s creepy!

and Then, I wrote:

I wrote a nice poem, with lots of nice words.
But you wrote one back that was mean.
I try to be Friends, and I try and I try.
But you just use that word so obscene.

I am all about Friends, I am not about Hate,
And I want to be kind and polite.
But you push and you push and you push and you push,
It just seems that you’re picking a fight.

You know of my past, and you know I am strong,
And you know that I care for my loves.
If you just must persist, and keep on with this path,
I will soon be removing my gloves.

I’ve given you chances, and chances galore,
To be nice and be Friendly and True,
But it seems that it’s hopeless, despite all my tries,
The the problem ain’t me, bub, IT’S YOU.

You should know that my limit, has been now surpassed,
That your CREEPY and MEANNESS is wrong !!!!
If you just must persist, and keep up this attack,
You just won’t be around very long.

I don’t need stairs to deal with YOU, bub!